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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28324368">Dumpster Fire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatAstrologyChick/pseuds/ThatAstrologyChick'>ThatAstrologyChick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Light Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:22:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,953</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28324368</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatAstrologyChick/pseuds/ThatAstrologyChick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Juliana and Valentina have a rocky start to their long weekend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Valentina Carvajal &amp; Juliana Valdés, Valentina Carvajal/Juliana Valdés</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dumpster Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’ve been stuck in fluff for longer than I’m used to and my cold heart just couldn’t take it anymore. This  just begged to be written...in fact it wouldn’t shut up until I sat down to type it out...so here you go. </p><p>This is meant to be a stand alone and is complete. </p><p>It’s one of those arguments we’ve all had, right? Okay maybe just me then?</p><p>This has been beta’d by my awesome friend, Cori...who, as always, fixes all my glaring mistakes and makes me look smarter than I am.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started innocently enough one Friday night while in the throws of passion. </p><p>They had meant well when they’d first settled onto Valentina’s soft bedding, vowing to watch a movie and just snuggle. Neither could say, if asked, who had started it, but one innocent slide of a hand begat another and before either girl really knew what was happening the movie was forgotten and Valentina was naked, straddling Juliana’s lap while Juliana gripped her tightly around her slim waist with one hand, the fingers of her other knuckle deep in Valentina’s drenched center.</p><p>It was a sound that started it all.  It was the way Valentina moaned against Juliana’s ear in that breathy way she did sometimes when she was close to coming undone that started Juliana’s mind off on the nearest tangent. </p><p>Normally Juliana lived for this  moment—loving nothing more than holding Valentina against her body while her girlfriend lost it around her fingers, but Juliana had had a stressful day at university, and she had been in her head a little more than usual that evening, so when a tangent presented itself she stupidly jumped on it. </p><p>Valentina could hear her girlfriend mumbling something against the skin of her bare chest but her mind was a million miles away, in a different dimension entirely, occupied with the more pressing matter of  keeping the atoms making up her body from flying away from each other at velocities nearing the speed of light as her body clenched almost uncontrollably around three of Juliana’s talented fingers.</p><p>Valentina was so very close to cascading over the proverbial edge of release when Juliana ceased the rhythmic undulations that it actually took Valentina a full 30 seconds to register that Juliana had, not only stopped fucking her, but had also asked her a question, and was now waiting for a response. </p><p>“What...?” Valentina asked, half dazed, her body slick with sweat. Juliana would just have to adjust any expectations of coherence. Valentina was nowhere near the state required to respond to any question unless the answers were “faster” or “harder”</p><p>“Did you make that sound for him...?” Juliana repeated the question, failing to note the confused look on Valentina’s face. </p><p>Valentina could only ask, once again, for clarification. “Who?”  </p><p>As her body settled into a more manageable state, what Juliana was actually asking, at last, started to filter through the retreating haze. Valentina  automatically decided Juliana had been joking, because she couldn’t possibly have been serious, could she? Juliana wouldn’t be asking Valentina about Lucho now, would she...?</p><p>“You know who.”</p><p>Valentina was unable to stop the laugh that tore abruptly from her throat. “Are you serious right now?” She was making light of it, but there was an incredulous edge in her voice that betrayed the fact that she almost couldn’t believe that they were having this conversation at the moment.</p><p> “It’s just I’ve never heard you make that sound before.” Juliana looked down. She knew she was being ridiculous, but couldn’t seem to slow the tangent train long enough to slip off and onto the platform of rationality.</p><p>“You* are* serious, aren’t you?” Valentina pulled back to look into Juliana’s dark eyes. “You’re really choosing right now to be jealous of my dead ex-boyfriend?”</p><p>“Is there a better time to be jealous of your dead ex- boyfriend?”</p><p>“Yeah. How about any time you’re not actively fucking me?” Valentina said, rolling her hips on Juliana’s fingers for emphasis “How about waiting until then?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, but now is when you’re making that sound, so now is when I’m wondering how many times he heard it before I did. “</p><p>“Well let’s see... “ Valentina was annoyed now and she knew that anyone with ears would’ve heard it in her voice, laced as it was around some well placed sarcasm too for even greater effect. </p><p>Sliding her body off of Juliana‘s fingers, Valentina moved across her bed to grab the graphics calculator laying on the desk—the calculator that usually only came out to play for one hour, a couple days a week during her advanced calculus class, was now about to be  used to calculate the absurdly low number of times she’d fucked her ex-boyfriend over the course of the entirety of their shitty, dysfunctional relationship. </p><p>“Cool” Valentina breathed to herself in response to her inner dialogue, but wondered out loud, purely for Juliana’s benefit if she’d need the exponent key for this particular problem.  </p><p>#spoiler She-did-not</p><p>Valentina felt the tiniest amount of satisfaction when Juliana’s eyes darted up a little too quickly to meet hers, as if she hadn’t even considered  the possibility that the number of times might be many more times than the few she’d let herself imagine. </p><p>#spoiler It-was-not</p><p>The insinuation only poured gas onto Juliana’s personal dumpster fire, causing the flames to lick upward and fan out. “Did you sleep with him after we kissed that first time?” Her words were laced with accusation as she braced herself against whatever Valentina would say next.</p><p>Juliana was tense, Valentina could tell by the way she was clenching her jaw. “No” her response was pointed, meant to reflect the ridiculousness of the question. But if Juliana got her meaning it didn’t show on her face. Valentina then sat back, her hands going to her face mostly because she didn’t know what else to do with them.  She couldn’t help but feel angry with the turn the night had taken. She had missed Juliana and had been looking forward to spending the entire weekend with her, but now it looked like they were headed into an abyss instead of the languid experience she had anticipated. Valentina knew that look in Juliana’s eyes and knew that this wasn’t going to be over and forgotten so quickly.  </p><p>One of the things she loved most about Juliana was how driven she was to accomplish whatever she set her mind to, but along with that drive came a certain stubbornness that was hard for Valentina to navigate, especially when that stubbornness led into anger as it was now. </p><p>“What about that time you called me after our first fight and I thought you were drunk, but you said you’d been sleeping. Lucho was there...I heard him in the background. Did you sleep with him then?” Valentina was silent and Juliana blew out a ragged breath. “I knew it!” She said, though being right in this situation didn’t exactly feel like a win. It just hurt and caused her to wish Valentina was the type of person to lie to her face just to spare her feelings.</p><p>But Valentina wasn’t the type of person to lie and Juliana had known that, so she only had herself to blame for the stabbing pain in her chest. Hadn’t it been self-inflicted, after all?</p><p>Juliana looked away. She felt like crying. She  was being unfair and acting completely out of character. She had no right to be mad at Valentina for sleeping with her, then, boyfriend and she knew it—which was ultimately making all  the inner turmoil Juliana was feeling that much harder to justify. </p><p>It also made it harder to look Valentina in the eyes, even when her girlfriend was clearly trying to get her attention.</p><p>“Juls....” Valentina’s tone had gone from annoyance to soft understanding the second she saw her girlfriend’s face fall. She searched Juliana’s face, trying to get the other girl to look at her, to no avail. The anger from moments before, replaced by a sudden desperate need to make Juliana understand things from Valentina’s perspective.</p><p>Valentina knew what it was like to know that someone else had touched the person she loved most. She couldn’t really blame Juliana for her reaction. Perhaps some part of Valentina had  been in ‘crash position’ this entire time,  waiting for this moment—waiting for Juliana to ask about Lucho—waiting for Juliana to be upset about it.</p><p>Valentina had gone through similar emotions regarding Sergio when  Juliana had slept with him the time they’d broken up—Wanting to know what had happened between the two of them, yet not wanting to know at the same time, but being unable to stop herself from asking the questions anyway, and then feeling hurt by the inevitable answers. </p><p>It had taken Valentina a long time to make peace with Sergio and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t still think about it on occasions when she was feeling particularly self-sadomasochistic. </p><p>There was nothing like a little soul crushing pain to really get the old blood flowing, she thought wryly. Was that what this was? She wondered. </p><p>Unable to take the dejected look on Juliana’s face any longer, Valentina  closed her eyes for a moment. She needed to calm down—needed to find that elusive inner peace she was always going on about whenever Juliana was upset. </p><p>However, Tranquila was a state easier recommended to others than achieved personally, so it took her longer than a few seconds to gather herself enough to open her eyes and face Juliana’s pain. </p><p>Valentina wanted more than anything for Juliana to truly know that sex with Lucho had been just that—Sex. It never would have graduated to more than that, even if they’d kept doing it, because Valentina had never been in love with Lucho.  </p><p>She’d never felt for Lucho one ounce of what she felt for the girl next to her. With Juliana... even if they were just fucking it was everything and then some to Valentina, because they were in love with each other—because everything and everyone else in the world disappeared when Juliana touched her.</p><p>They could be tender, but they could also simply fuck and it never ever changed the intensity of Valentina’s feelings...if anything it only made her feelings stronger—more intense...made Valentina feel even more sure that she’d made the right decision in following her heart and allowing this all encompassing love to flame white hot around them.</p><p>But she didn’t know how to verbalize any of that, and the way Juliana was looking at her made her feel somehow guilty...like she’d betrayed her girlfriend by way of not having grasped the enormity of their connection sooner than she had. But how could she have? Valentina had had zero reference for any of this. Juliana had been her first in so many ways.</p><p>“He was my boyfriend...and I hadn’t realized at that time that my feelings for you were more than friendship.”  As she explained, Valentina felt tears burning the corners of her eyes. “I didn’t let him near me once I realized that I had feelings for you. “ She touched Juliana’s shoulder, her flooded eyes begging the other girl to believe her.</p><p>The jealousy that had propelled Juliana into this argument in the first place dissipated the moment she saw the tears in her girlfriend’s eyes. This whole thing was spiraling out of control and the only person she had to blame was herself. She’d made Valentina cry...something she had hoped never to do again, but somehow kept doing anyway. </p><p>“Val...I’m sorry.”Juliana said, wishing she could reverse time and redo the last 15 minutes, but since that was as likely as Juliana getting a grip on herself, all she could do was  try and  soothe over the hurt with the balm of her words, however inadequate they ended up being.</p><p>Juliana took a breath. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. Honestly, I don’t know where any of this came from.” Juliana looked up trying not to seem as terrified as she actually felt. “I’m not—“ she stopped, trying to find the right words “I don’t usually think about this stuff...I don’t know why it’s suddenly this big issue for me tonight.” All of that was accurate, but she knew it wasn’t nearly enough.</p><p>Juliana’s fear was apparent. Valentina could see it in the faraway look in those dark eyes she loved so much, she could see it in the trembling, yet absent way Juliana brushed her fingers along the bedspread, and she could see it in the delicate flutter of skin just above the pulse point in her neck.</p><p>Someone had once told Valentina that fear was a contagion —that it could get in without consent and devastate a landscape before anyone knew it was there.  In this moment, she knew that was true. </p><p>She could feel the anxiety starting in her stomach and very quickly bubbling through her body like carbonation, reminding her how fragile everything still was,  how wounded they each were in their own ways. Their house was made of glass and anything but shatter proof, even if it didn’t look fragile from the outside. </p><p>Unable to stop herself, Valentina lifted up onto her knees to wrap her arms around Juliana’s neck. “I’m sorry too... I could have handled this better...it just threw me.” Valentina wasn’t immune to making mistakes.  </p><p>She looked into Juliana’s eyes “You know that I’m your girl, right? And no one is touching me but you. Ever.”</p><p>Juliana was quiet for a moment, perhaps longer than either of them were comfortable with. “I know, Val,” she said at last...the “but” they both could see from a mile away, hurtling toward them at breakneck speed.  “Maybe I should go.”</p><p>Juliana braced for impact but it was too late. Valentina’s head shot up at her words, her eyes wide, pupils mere pinpoints surrounded by the bluest blue.</p><p>“No don’t go. Please stay with me?” Valentina knew her voice sounded a little too high pitched to belong to the twenty-one year old she was, but she couldn’t help it. She could see the word  RUN written all over Juliana’s face. It took Valentina back to a certain park bench where she had sat, not that long ago, unable to do anything but watch Juliana’s retreating form as she ran from her—from this.</p><p>There was a certain vulnerability in those words and Juliana fought the urge to backtrack—to pretend that she was okay—that all of this was okay. “I’m in a weird place.. I don’t want to fight with you and right now I feel like I’m going to make this worse. It’s better if I go”</p><p>“Are we okay?” Valentina asked.</p><p>Juliana knew where Valentina’s mind was and why it was there and she hated herself a for it. This was all Juliana’s  fault.  She’d broken their pact. She’d ended things that first time and even though they had gotten back together Juliana knew it was going to take time and a lot of her proving over and over again that she wasn’t going to walk out on Valentina or end things in order for Valentina to heal and really start to trust her again. </p><p>Juliana’s voice softened and she pulled Valentina into her body. “Of course we are ok.” She said, stroking Valentina’s hair. “We are always going to be ok no matter what. I swear.” Juliana brushed Val’s hair back from her face. “ I love you so much. “</p><p>“I love you too” </p><p>Valentina clung to her with a little more reluctance to let go than she normally would, and Juliana felt a pang of guilt in her chest, so she held Valentina a little longer, stroking her bare arm in the same way she’d done all those months before, allowing them the momentary comfort of each other’s warm presence. </p><p>She didn’t mean to be this way. She didn’t mean to keep hurting Val or making her feel like all of this was going to end at any moment. Juliana knew that Valentina needed consistency, but that was just something she wasn’t very good at—had never been good at.</p><p>When you’ve lived a certain way for the entirety of your formative years it’s difficult to change your automatic responses to things and Juliana knew this. </p><p>She hated to admit that her default response was always to run. It had been her whole life and when you pair the need to run with the explosive way Juliana had of venting her frustrations—frustrations that were constantly changing and morphing to fit her own fucked up narratives...well that was just a bit of a disaster waiting to happen. </p><p>Juliana got off the bed, grabbed her pants from where they’d been thrown in a crumpled heap on the bedroom floor, then found a shirt she knew Val liked to sleep in, helping her girlfriend into it. </p><p>She sat down next to Val and brushed a strand of hair behind the other girl’s ear. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Juliana asked, hoping her voice sounded softer than it had when they’d been arguing. </p><p> Valentina nodded but didn’t say anything. Juliana kissed Valentina on the lips and the forehead and the cheek, before leaving her girlfriend on the bed. She closed the bedroom door behind her.</p><p>Juliana leaned against the wall outside of  Valentina’s room for a few seconds, her hand going up to her forehead. She felt out of it and awful. And if she was honest...she hated herself a little bit too. </p><p>Why couldn’t she just be a normal human being? Why was she constantly letting her insecurities control her?</p><p>One way or another, the part of Juliana that felt unworthy was going to find a way to sabotage the best thing that had ever happened to her unless she was willing to do something about it. </p><p>And she was willing...even if she had to bite the bullet and talk to every therapist in Mexico City to do it. She would find a way to pull herself together piece by fucking piece.</p>
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